One account of the pre-historic mating customs of humanity has it that a bride was acquired by a strong warrior and his “best man†by kidnapping a favored female from a neighboring tribe and carrying her off to be deflowered/raped as soon as refuge from pursuing kinfolk was reached. And this strong and responsive female then resisted with the strength of her limbs and the obstruction to weakness formed by her hymen, but was ultimately overpowered, penetrated, and bonded despite all her efforts. Her rapist was transformed by chemistry into her beloved husband despite and because of his violent taking of her. The romance novel as pre-history.
1. Intro
2. Why
Why is this such a powerful idea for so many women? (Not for Louise, obviously, but for many!) Is it really just a woman thing, like the romance novels in which echoes of this kind of scenario are depicted, or is it an idea that stirs (some) men, too? Obviously, no one here is suggesting that rape is a good thing. Please let's not get into a discussion about that again. Rape is wrong. Rapists should be stopped. We all agree. Now (if anyone is interested) let's discuss the idea Mike posted, and in particular, what it is about it that is thrilling to some. In my opinion, it has absolutely nothing to do with Nancy Friday's theory that it is the immature woman's need not to take responsibility for her own desires and actions. That, I think, is complete and utter rubbish. In my experience, it is women who have the courage to face their desires, even when they are inconvenient and unacceptable, who are drawn to the idea of rape. It takes a lot of courage to admit this, and conversations with men can be most uncomfortable, as I indicated in my article, When rape is a gift. The enjoyment of ‘rape’ is, I think, a very primal thing. That kind of raw sex is powerfully intense, and surrendering to it sends one straight into subspace. It is dangerous, and not for everyone. If you play with fire, you have to expect to get burnt sometimes, and you can't blame anyone else for that. But for those of us who like this, getting burnt on occasion can be all part of the adventure.
3. For Men
The turn on of the rape fantasy comes from two main things. The first is that the idea that a man would want me so much that he would be willing to overcome all my objections and even hurt me a little to have sex with me, is a powerful turn on. The fact that he is so desirous of my body that he can not take no for an answer is the thrill. The second part of it is the intensity. The level of conflict and the action and the adrenalin is very exciting. That being said, I don't have stranger rape fantasies. All my rape fantasies revolve around either my husband or other people I know. It's not about me not wanting to have sex with him, it's about him overpowering my resistance and submitting me to his will, just like Loveawake. It is really just another form of being submitted.
4. Bonded by rape
I think that "rape" can mean two very different things depending upon the energy and intent behind it—violating or claiming. Here is how I see it... Violating is the sort of rape that is harmful—it is taking from a woman, stealing from her. I have noticed that the sort of person who violates is usually the same sort of person who neglects, they seem to go together. A rape of violation, it can be the sort we read of in the papers, or it can be in a partnership even, when what her husband is doing is using and taking from and neglecting her, rather than cherishing and protecting her. Claiming is a different thing altogether, it is claiming her not only as his but as his responsibility to truly love and care for, to give himself for. I think this was a nice article, but when the author says that “her rapist was transformed by chemistry into her beloved husband despite and because of his violent taking of her†I think that’s very doubtful. Chemistry alone could not do that, it is the claiming. Violating means he has no true regard for her and she is not safe with him (whether that be at a body or heart level); nor is she safer and more secure in the world through being with him. Claiming instead lets her know she is his chosen one and he will focus on and cherish and nurture and protect her. HUGE difference. Funny how an outwardly same action can be done in two utterly different ways.
5. Feminists discussed this in the 1970s
It may interest readers to know that feminists discussed these issues in the 1970s. In Nov. 1976, Molly Haskell wrote an article in Ms. magazine called "The 2000 Year Old Misunderstanding". It was followed by Robin Morgan's article "What Do Our Masochistic Fantasies Really Mean?" Far from being inhibited by 'political correctness', these articles initiated a lively discussion among feminists about the prevalence of rape fantasies. The letters column of Ms. received an outpouring of mail from readers who found male dominance highly erotic. One woman disclosed that being spanked by her husband was "sexual skyrockets". While some readers were grossed out, many more leapt to her defense, congratulating her on discovering the key to keeping her marriage amorous. (You can find a sampling of these letters in "Letters To Ms.", ed. Mary Thom.) I find it important to recall this history in light of the glib charicature of feminists as intolerant of women with submissive desires that is often expressed on Taken In Hand. It is certainly true that the radical feminism of the 1980s, of Andrea Dworkin, Mary Daly et al, was vile, man-hating and highly censorious, though fueled by an understandable anger over male domestic violence. But the 'women's lib' current of feminism was much different. As a male with the desire to ravish and spank the woman I love, the articles and letters in Ms. were a revelation, long before the internet revealed how commonplace such desires were in both sexes. I 'came out' to feminist lovers in the 1970s. My first spanking partners were feminists. They were erotic pioneers, women with the courage to embrace their desires and explore them with their lovers, male and female. We owe them an enormous debt. I sure do; I've been happily married to one for 28 years.
6. The "kinky" folklore
I was stunned to see how "kinky" (D/s oriented, spanking etc) the wedding rites used to be. For example, there is one custom, that makes me think of it... locking the bride-to-be in a closet where she was supposed to cry loudly for her virginity that was going to be lost forever and that sheĺl be parted from her family. We may consired these customs weird or outright sadistic but I think there was much more space for the "threshold rituals" than now-a-days. The wedding "kidnapping" is a mythologic idea that dates back to the kidnapping of Persephone by Hades in Greek mythology. The entrance into the woman´s age from the virgin age is surrounded with many customs, many of them resembling "rape" or having submissive/dominant aspects. This is not surprising when we you realize that in the christianized pagan culture the "kink" now called spanking was a part of the culture... Before the days of political correctness and urbanization came, I think, you would have far more opportunities to experience your sexuality/submissive needs in the customs... ¨ Submissive desires are just so deeply rooted in the female sexuality that it´s no wonder you coma across resembling scenarios from the ancients myths to today´s Harlequins.